It so happened that while struggling with the issues from the previous post, with staying in the present moment, with being aware, etc., etc. I started a new universal energy seminar.
And next morning I saw it.
I saw the correlation between my subconscious and my waking mind.
I saw how my subconscious freely flows in my waking life and how it colours it without my slightest knowledge.
So much for reality and for letting go of the past.
In short, I understood that living my waking life in the present is a piece of cake. It is my subconscious that is really making it difficult. It is so very deeply rooted that even in the face of reality where there is no evidence whatsoever that my subconscious scenario will unfold, I still experience the emotions that that particular scenario evokes. And it's nearly impossible to convince myself that this is not reality but just a past memory. The truth is that it feels deeper than that and that, well, deepens the dificulty. It almost feels like it's from past lives or dimensions.
In conclusion, I found out that that my subconscious is very powerful or, at least, I have a powerful connection with it, which blocks or sabotages my attempts at arriving in the present.
I found out that this is the reason why it was never a solution for me to pinpoint that this particular emotion comes from that particular childhood experience and that's that.
This also explained why my waking mind is so powerful -- it tries to keep the subconscious at bay.
Of course I'm just beginning to realize the implications of all of this.
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